Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

What was your first impression of The Carter V by Lil Wayne? Did it feel like 2008 Wayne, when you heard the first few songs.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What is the best technique for inserting a tampon into one’s anus?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have complete contempt for fakery

How could NASA possibly land on the moon when it's impossible to reach the moon through the Earth's dome? Why are they making up such an obvious lie?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I actually pay taxes

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Why are American university students fine with sharing a room?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why has Biden pulled ahead in battleground states and is now projected to win the 2024 presidency?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t cotton to rapists

What is the meanest thing your husband has said to you?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why are people nowadays so into anal sex?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Should you have a threesome with your best friend and your significant other if the significant other requests it?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Delta Force selection is originally based on SAS selection, so why is there no brutal jungle phase for Delta Force? It seems like it's based only on the Brecon Beacons section.

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

I see through liars

Are Indian youths conservative or liberal?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Have you ever had a secret crush on anyone?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I can count

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t buy bullshit

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I can read